Embracing the Process: Finding Strength and Hope in My Healing Journey

Hi ladies,

It's been a minute since I've written on the blog. I figured there is no better time then now then to let you guys into my life over the last few months. But before that, I want to say that I missed y'all and I genuinely hope you all have been well and look after yourselves. Anyway, new year, new transparency? Maybe, that sounds like that should that be a thing, no?

Serious question, but not really. Let's get into the nitty gritty details about where I've been and what's been going on these last few months. You probably remember me putting out a blog post a while back where God placed in my spirit the need for not only for healing: not only individually, but as a community. For those of you who didn't already know, over the last year God has led me on this very intense and spirit-led healing journey, in more ways than one.

This meant that God wasn't simply trying to push me to heal just emotionally, physically or even spiritually. God was looking to perform a complete overhaul. He didn't just want me to look or feel different, but to return different. I couldn't say I wanted to heal, and sought out opportunities to do so but still entertain the urges that make me sick. That's counterproductive. Still, it was hard for me to accept the challenges that came with diving head-first into this new journey.

Proverbs 26:11, puts it like this:

"Like a dog that returns to his vomit, so does a fool return to his own foolishness."

When you've grown comfortable in one specific way of living or doing, you don't feel a need to change things. This is especially true if the way you currently doing things still "works." If there's one thing I learned on this healing journey, it would be this: The behaviors you have adapted to in one season are not going to be useful to where God is taking you; they were coping skills. The new skills you will develop are not just applicable in the current season, but will continue to be useful for the seasons that lie ahead. As you develop deeper wisdom and discernment, you will begin to recognize when He is pressing you to move forward and to leave some things behind.

I had to get used to being unrecognizable, unapproachable, and misunderstood watching the people closest to me begin to take notice of new qualities and traits that they've never seen before. In some ways, these changes led me to feel very conflicted. First, it made me feel great because it meant that I was really changing, then it made me feel sad because I knew I'd never be same again. I'm in far too deep to turn back now. The habits I used to have, changed. The way I spoke, changed. The people I associated with, changed. The way I operated, accomplished and took action changed. He was getting ready to deliver me.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I reasoned as a child. When I became a man, I [put aside] childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11

It wasn't until I began to write this blog post, God brought to remembrance, the story of deliverance in Mark 5: the man with unclean spirits. In this particular story, this man struggled immensely with many strongholds: loneliness, despair, hopelessness, and anger to name a few. He spent so much time with these spirits, they became a part of his identity. You can see that in his response when Jesus approached him and he says,

"What do you want to do with me, Jesus Christ, son of man?" Don't torment me!"

It's always laughable how we think that Jesus is intimidated by us. We hide and cower away out of fear. We can get so used to carrying these loads, we assume that's the way we will live and function forever. Before I pursued my healing journey, through the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I found myself scared to know who I was without these addictions; these crutches. I thought if I healed it meant that I would no longer recognize myself. In some ways that was true, but I think the biggest difference is that I am more authentic to myself. I didn't know it then, that I needed to be known, seen, loved for myself and eternally. This is merely the beginning of my journey of learning to find strength and hope to heal.

If you liked this blog post, Comment "OVERHAUL" if you are ready to see your life fully transformed and made new. Thank God's for His Holy Spirit ensures that how you enter is not how you exit. Be encouraged that you are confidently being transformed by the renewing of your mind.

You should also take a listen to the song below "Known, Seen, Loved" (Live from the Quarry) as the Lord placed this song on my heart.